


I Had Nothing

by tkdgrl223



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cas rants, Fluff and Angst, M/M, human!Cas, more fluff in next chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-09 18:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1993041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkdgrl223/pseuds/tkdgrl223
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if things had gone differently at the Gas-n-Sip?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post: http://trenchcoatandwings.tumblr.com/post/87312498285

“I had nothing,” his voice cracked.  
 _Shit. I fucked up._ Dean thought.  
Castiel grabbed the hunter by he arm and lead him through the stock room and out the back door. He swung Dean into the dumpster with more force than either expected. Dean knew angels were strong but he’d forgotten that Cas’s vessel was also strong, probably due to the ungodly number of layers the angel use to wear.  
“I had NOTHING! I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes on my back and angel blade. I tried using my _mojo_ to get to you but it didn’t work. Nothing did. I couldn’t hear the prayers of humanity or the communication of angels. So alone in the middle of a forest, covered in blood I realized I was human.”  
“After Hael,” the new human tightened every muscle thinking back on what he has done so far in his brief stint of being human.  
“I didn’t know who I could trust. The first person that came to mind was you Dean. I thought I could go to you and Sam. I thought you’d be able to help me. After all the times I came when you called. It was more than collecting a debt, I thought we were friends, family even.”  
“Cas you are. You are-“  
“I’m not done! By the time I reached you I know what it feels like to stare, to be exhausted, to be at the edge of every having hope restored. You saying I can’t stay crushed me. I survived those weeks hoping you’d take care of me, but I no longer had that hope. I hate being human. Your vessels require so much care and upkeep. And you kicked me out with nothing! Thousands of years watching over humanity was bearable but I found being human unbearable. I've seen many suicides during my watch and began contemplating which method would be best."  
"Cas-" Dean was on the verge of tears. His sense of guilt grew with each word. _I should have known._  
"No!" Castiel growled. He wanted Dean to suffer. He needed Dean to feel the anguish he had. "I spent days imagining my death but after each I was reminded of Bobby. Even when paralysed he continued to fight. He knew a hunter's life was shit and now he couldn't even hunt. For months he eyed his single-shot pistol but he never pulled the trigger. He knew that life had to be better than the hell that heaven really is. And ever time I was reminded of him. The brave man who treated me like family, as a son just as he had with you and Sam. I wouldn't let him down by ending my suffering. So I began looking for work and started saving. When Nora hired me I had a sleeping bag and toothbrush to my name, now I'll be able to afford an apartment in a few months. I've found a way to live and it's a fucking good life. I don't have to obey orders anymore. I found a way out of the shadow of the garrison and Heaven. I can be human. I can live a life you'll never be able to have. One without monsters, demons, and especially angels." 

Castiel knew Dean was hurt but he enjoyed seeing the hunter plagued with guilt. Yet why was the hunter still staring at him? Then Castiel remembered his command.  
"Now I'm done. I doubt you can say anything that'll change my mind, but you get one chance Dean Winchester."  
Dean paced the back lot, kicking an empty soda can, as he collected his thoughts. 

“Here goes nothing. I’ve spent my entire life putting Sammy before everything. I just wanted him back, I didn’t even think about you. In my mind you were still an angel and could take care of your thousand year old ass.” Dean stared waiting for a smile, which eventually spread across Cas’s stubbly face.  
“I should have asked Eziekel why he didn’t want you to stay. I should have told him off. I should have been there for you. I know this will count for shit but I’m here now and I will never leave you again."  
Dean was breaking his own rule and stood inches from his angel.  
"Really?”  
The way Cas was squinting at him unnerved him, so Dean said the first thing that popped into his head. “Yeah, your family just like Bobby and Kevin were.” _Fuck_  
"Oh." Cas's disappointment felt like a knife in Dean's heart.  
"I didn't mean it like that. Umm-"  
Dean struggled to find the words to say. Lost in thought he hadn't notice Castiel close the gap between them until Cas's nose booped his cheek.  
"Then how did you mean it?" Cas asked. Dean was lost for words until the gas attendant tilted his head as if reasking the question. This one little tilt broke the barrier, Dean suddenly remembered ever occasion his confused dorky little angel had done just that, and he knew.  
"I love you."


	2. Chapter 2

Cas knew his vessel would involuntarily react sometimes when Dean was around or if Cas had been thinking about Dean, but he was never sure if it was just his vessel or if it him. Now that Jimmy was gone he knew for sure.

Slipping his arms around the hunter’s waist, Cas gave a quick tug on Dean’s belt loop. 

Dean stumbled, smashing both forearms into the dumpster to stop himself from completely crashing into Cas. But now their faces were only an inch apart. 

“Steve! A little boy didn’t make it. I need you to clea-.” Nora’s voice carried through the closed door. 

Dean tries to get distance between Cas and himself, but he’s not fast enough. The door swings open while Cas wrapping his arms tighter around the wriggling hunter. 

Improvising Dean turns his head away from Nora, brushing his fingers over his lips. Nora doesn’t say anything, she only gives Dean a once over then gives “Steve” a smile as if to say he choose well. 

Once the door closes behind her, Dean starts back on Cas’s mouth.

“Dean- I— have- to go- back- to- work.” Cas eventually managed.

“No you don’t.” Dean whimpered at the lack of Cas on his lips. 

"Yes I do." The gas station attendant held the hunter at arms length. “There is pee I have to clean up."

"Damn you sure know how to ruin a moment Cas." Dean cracked, "I'm not done with you." The hunter warned the former angel as he returned to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to post chapter 2. I had most of it written already, but I completely forgot I hadn't finished.
> 
> Hope you guys liked it :)


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